These Dreams

Due to the myriad of different medications I'm on (Zoloft, Xanax, Ambien...), I have some pretty uncomfortable dreams at night. While they are not quite nightmares, they are just plain awkward. They feel real but not real in typical dream fashion. No monsters ever chase me and I never feel like I'm falling down 50 stories, I just wake up every morning with a feeling of discomfort.

For the past few years I've been having a recurring dream about missing classes or important tests and not being able to graduate. This dream occurs nearly every night and I'm frankly getting tired of them because I did complete my studies. I won't bore you with the rest of my dreams, partly because I barely remember them, but also no one wants to hear about the dreams of other people. They're just not interesting.

I'm not sure if my dreams are in color or in black and white and I don't know how long they last. What I can tell is that the characters that live in my dream world are pretty unsavoury. These are people that I know and love - friends and family (some that have even passed on). But in dream land, they are on the evil-hearted side. Everyone is just a little worse in my dreams than in real life. I guess it's a good thing that I'm not surrounded by people that are so malevolent, but it is disconcerting that my subconscious mind looks at them in that light. I just can't seem to get anyone to compromise in my dreams. In other words, my charm just doesn't work. Maybe I'm even more of a prick in my dreams than I actually am in real life and people are treating me accordingly.*

Considering that we sleep between six and hours per night and probably dream half that time, I am spending more time with these people than I actually do in real life. I don't see my friends every week and I don't even see my family. I see my dry cleaner and the UPS delivery guy more in real life and I don't recall any dreams about them.

Just for the record, I love my family and friends but would appreciate if they were a little more understanding, a little more compassionate and less evil-hearted in my subconscious mind. I really need to get back to therapy I think.


*I highly doubt this.