Thursday, October 4, 2007

Hey, it's ok...

I'll admit it: I read Glamour sometimes. But my rules on reading Glamour are similar to my rules for smoking weed - I only do it when I have nothing better to do and I never pay for it.

My sister has a subscription and my girlfriend's former roommate had one too so I was able to get my fixes in those two places. I also will read it in airport newststands.

I do enjoy Glamour, particularly its "Dos and Don'ts" and the hilarious monthly segment entitled "Would you dare?" which features a pictorial of a young woman performing daily tasks in public with cum on her face or something to see if anyone notices. But my favorite is the "100% Guilt-Free Page!" On this page, Glamour editors tell the women of the world that it's ok to have whole milk once in a while or to call in sick when you have your period. I have written by own little guilt-free page for you gals out there.

Hey, it's ok...
  • To fuck the entire defensive line of the New York Giants...it is football season after all!
  • To have another baby just so you can stay on welfare another year.
  • To blow a few lines of coke now and then...you do need your energy!
  • To evade your taxes and pretend that you didn't know that you had to pay them...if you're cute, the IRS will understand.
  • To leave your 3-month old in the car with the windows closed when you shop like a diva for four hours...the kid wouldn't have any fun in Barney's anyway!
  • If you love your cat so much that you touch him in ways that may not be considered "appropriate"...he is your best friend after all.
  • To have sex with your 12-year old student...all those other women are doing it!
  • To knowingly infect others with herpes...a girl's gotta have fun!
  • To have that sixth cosmo and drive home and pretend to the cop that you thought it was a Shirley Temple.

Maybe Glamour will hire me to write next month's column. I think I already wrote it.

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