Baba Booey to y'all.

I'm a sick person. It's not just because I listen to Howard Stern on a daily basis, but I actually participate in the show. I sit in my car and actually make humorous comments as if I were actually on the show. I pretend that I'm part of the gang and interject when I feel it is appropriate. Sometimes I'll throw in a "hey now" or "Baba Booey" randomly.

When the show is not on, I often practice my greeting if I were ever to call the show. Here is what I have come up with so far.

"Hey Howard, I'm a big fan of the show."
"Long time listener, first time caller."
"Hi Howard, hi Robin."
"Howard, I was watching ___ last night and he mentioned ___."
"Yeah Howard, could you play that clip from ___ for me?"
"Howard, how are you?"
"What's going on Howard? I just wanted to say..."
"Howard, what's happening?"
"Howard, I was reading about the Sirius-XM merger and..."

In order to be a good caller to the show, one must get to the point immediately and say something relevant. My ultimate goal is to call in with a topic that starts a lengthy discussion (that keeps me on the air for several minutes). Then I will feel as though I have contributed to the show.

See, I don't really listen to Howard for the sex and the stripper interviews; I listen because I value his opinions. The show is at its best when it's just Howard and his crew bullshitting about mundane topics. (The news segment is awesome too.) The show has lost a bit of its spontaneity since it left regular radio, but the vibe is still the same. When he was on K-Rock, it was fun to listen to him complain constantly about the FCC and management and to see just how far he could push the envelope. At Sirius, he's pretty happy with everything and he can push the envelope as far as he wants.

Unfortunately, Howard isn't as miserable as he once was and that has made the show suffer. The show was truly at its peak when Howard was married and spending most of his time in his basement being miserable. Now he has a fiance that he loves deeply and actually leaves his house once in a while. Hopefully, when he gets married, he will revert back to his old ways. He still claims to be miserable, but it's just not the same. I really don't want Howard Stern to be miserable, but it did make for excellent radio.

The show also lost some of its magic upon the departure of Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling. It wasn't necessarily great then because Jackie was funny (he often wasn't), but the amount of harassment directed toward Jackie was hysterical, particularly the falsetto imitations of his voice. On more than one occasion I had to pull the car over because I was laughing so hard. I still long for those days.*

It's just not the same with Jackie's replacement, Artie Lang. Artie has some funny observations, but he never shuts the fuck up. He also agrees with everything Howard has to say, unlike Jackie. So I say, F Artie, bring back Jackie!

No matter what, I will remain loyal to the show and maybe one day I'll be a guest (or at least a caller).


*I still do on occasion, especially when Gilbert Gottfried is a guest.