Oyster Wars

Apparently they are making a movie about the Notorious B.I.G. (I heard this from my number one news source - The News with Robin on Howard Stern.) Why did this young man die at such a tender age? Was it his cholesterol? No, he was killed in a drive-by shooting, which seems to be the number one killer of rap stars today. Evidently they didn't like him because he was an east coast rapper. This was only a few months following the death of west coaster Tupac.

Much like the situation in the Middle East, I'm not so sure if I really understand what this hip hop rivalry was about. I mean, rap is rap, right? Apparently it goes a lot deeper than that and feelings get hurt and people die.

I wonder what it would be like if people were so militant about their choice of oysters. Oysters, like rap, are an east coast, west coast thing. I wonder if there have been any documented cases of violence over the difference between Blue Points and Baron Points. Some may like the brininess of Malpeques (PEI) versus the sweetness of Kumamotos.

I'm sure there are people out there that would get all riled up about oysters and what conditions make them taste different in different types of waters. Some say that Pacific oysters are better than Atlantic oysters because they have a higher mineral content and are creamier. But Atlantic oyster fans might say that their oysters are better because of the texture and saltiness.

As the gentry seem to have more and more time on their hands, it only makes sense that a war on oysters be started. So the next time you are dining alfresco and eating your Wellfleets, some maniac from Tillamook, Oregon in a Saab could pull up to your table and shoot you with a 9mm. So be careful and discreet with your choice of oyster. In fact, it might just be safer to eat shrimp.