The Upside of Poverty

Living in the projects just doesn't seem that bad to me. There are many pros to living in the projects. Obviously, the rent is a dream and the lucky dwellers get primo locations in hip locations.

For instance, those fortunate enough to reside in Wyckoff Gardens or the Gowanus Houses get to live in leafy and stately Boerum Hill, a stone's throw from all the eateries and boutiques of Smith Street and very close to Heath Ledger's townhouse.

Those in the Farragut Houses in Vinegar Hill are within walking distance to DUMBO's trendy art galleries, restaurants and the breathtaking waterfront. Brunch at Superfine anyone?

To live in the Walt Whitman houses in Fort Greene, one must be pretty damn introspective as Mr. Whitman himself was. In fact, they should be named the "Transcendentalist Houses." Plus, Fort Greene is one of the hottest neighborhoods in Brooklyn. I would love to live over there. Beautiful sycamore lined streets of grand Italianate and Greek Revival brownstones and a bucolic park. The Ingersol Houses are also there.

In the Red Hook Houses, you get to live within a few blocks of none other than myself. You also get the best grocery store in Brooklyn (Fairway) and some funky little bars and restaurants, not to mention BWAC and some of the best views of the Statue of Liberty on land.

Residents of the Marcy Houses get to enjoy the nearby attractions in Williamsburg, Bed Stuy and Clinton Hill and have the distinction of living in the development that Jay-Z grew up in. That's gotta be worth something, right?

Across the East River in the sought-after Lower East Side, those fortunate to live in public housing get to actually live the bohemian lifestyle that the newer residents claim to while taking advantage of all the nightlife and fun that is associated with the area.

There are even projects on the Upper West Side near Lincoln Center. Talk about location! All the culture and the grandeur of Central Park right in your backyard. (Your neighbors, however, wish that you weren't in their backyard, but fuck them, you were probably there first.)

Over in Long Island City, Queens, the Queensbridge houses offer waterfront living at a fraction of the price of those overrated "luxury" condos that seem to be popping up everywhere. In the playgrounds of these houses, Ron Artest once perfected his free-throws and learned how to fight off trash-talking spectators, while in the hallways, Nas was learning to rap. All this only a 10 minute ride on the 7 train to Midtown.

And over in Brownsville, Brooklyn, the (ah nevermind, there's nothing good about the projects over there.)

Other perks that public housing dwellers get include panoramic views (shit, imagine the views from the 20th floor in the Red Hook Houses - the city, the water, Lady Liberty), spacious layouts (3 and 4 bedrooms available to families - a lot more square footage than they can get in a $950K condo in Park Slope) and last but not least, parking! These people actually get parking! A car in this city is considered to be an unnecessary luxury item and these people pay $400 a month to live in penthouses in the sky in prime neighborhoods while they park their pimped-out Escalades completes with spinners and blacked out windows in a private parking space (all on our dime). In New York City, the average parking space costs $500 a month to rent or from $25,000 to $100,000 to purchase. That's how valuable they are. Only in America.

So, quit whining about living in the projects. So there's the occasional urine in the elevator. (At least you have an elevator. And if it makes you feel better, my roommate's cat used to pee all over my floor and cat piss is worse than human piss in my opinion.) And your building doesn't have a fitness center or a doorman. Neither does mine. And there's the occasional gun shot. (Cry me a fucking river.) And some people sell drugs. Waaaaah waaaah waaah. Just remember, parking, views, space and location.

It ain't much better in a market rate unit. In fact it's worse. Cherish what you have until they convert them all to "luxury" co-ops like in Peter Cooper Village. But even if they do, you'll get the option to buy them for about 1/16th of the market value. So save your welfare checks folks.