Meet the Fizzbows

A new breed of irritating yuppies have been infiltrating our society as of late. Fizzbows are self satisfied gentrifiers who lead a healthy and zen-like existence and try to sell their homes without a broker. FSBOs (for sale by owner), pronounced Fizzbows go to great lengths to market their mediocre property by creating a sharp looking flash website with images of their lovely home and minimalist décor. Savvy fizzbows even include pictures of their children (who are obviously gifted) and their precious cats who are cute only to them. They shun real estate brokers but are quick to take advice from their sisters-in-law who sell real estate up in Binghamton (a town that should have a p somewhere in it). They are the friendliest people in the world. They get entire articles written about them. Blogs devoted to them. Mobs of people showing up to snowy open houses because they read about them and their cat on Brownstoner.com and Curbed.com, two of New York City’s premier real estate web logs.

They generally require guests to remove their shoes upon entering their simplistic, yet functional and eco-friendly abode and love to hear the compliments. “Oh it’s so open and airy!” “Is this feng shui?” “Your children are just darling!” They vote, they belong to community gardens, they are involved within the schools and hold jobs such as graphic designers or health magazine editors. Somehow they have conned enough people into believing that they are holier-than-though and command much more respect than people willing to throw away 3-6% of the sale price of their precious home to a greedy broker.

However, these people are the greedy ones who don't price their properties 3-6% below what they would if a broker had been representing them. To them, going through a broker is taking the easy way out and is just passé and un-PC. And if they are successful in selling their condo FSBO, their neighbors will be doing the same thing in a few months and their neighbors...thus creating an epidemic that Malcolm Gladwell can write about in his next book.

These gentrifiers may have a point. No one really needs a broker. If you can create snap a few photographs, throw it on the web and write a paragraph, you, too can sell real estate. And if you're home between 2 and 4 on Sunday and light some vanilla scented candles (organic of course), you can sell your house and pocket the money that you saved in order to save Darfur.