B61 Blues

On any given day, when I look around at my fellow passengers on my jaunt from Van Brunt Street in Red Hook to Court Street in Cobble Hill, I can usually count how many gentrifiers there are, myself included, on one hand. Usually, it's me, a hipster chick with an ipod, a zoned-out guy with long hair, retro glasses and Chuck Taylors and 25 non-gentrifiers. Today, I was the only individual on the bus with an affinity for arugula. I found myself wondering if my fellow commuters noticed me and and count the gentry as well. My question is: Is this normal behavior? Am I the only person who places people into two distinct categories and mentally identifies each individual encountered in public as either gentry or non-gentry?

The thing is, I need to know. This is why I'm different. If I am in doubt about a woman I am sitting next to on the Manhattan bound 4 Express train, I will glance down to see what she is reading or perhaps ask her a question to see if she has an accent*. All of these factors come into play when deciding the status of an individual.

It would be too easy to place all Asians into one category and all whites into another so I have compiled a list of FAQs regarding categorizing people.

Q: I live in Carroll Gardens and my neighbors are Italians who have lived in the neighborhood for generations. They are generally quiet, clean and friendly, but they have strong Brooklyn accents, the men have slicked back hair and the women are excessively tan even in the winter. Are they of the gentry class?

A: No. The gentry class regards people like these as fixtures who add color and charm to their neighborhood. Plus they make great fresh mozzarella and have the best prosciutto. It's too bad that Vinny has to talk to his wife that way though.

Q: I saw this couple standing outside of a bar in Red Hook smoking cigarettes. They were both covered in tattoos and cursing. They surely can't be part of the gentry, can they?

A: Actually they are. They are artists and/or musicians who inhabit gritty industrial neighborhoods in search of raw loft space in which to create their ever-so-edgy art.

Q: What about that chick I saw at the Park Slope Food Co-op that doesn't shave her pits?

A: Two clues to help you with this: Park Slope and Food Co-op. Obviously gentry.

Q: The very well-dressed black man decked out on Sunday morning in Bed Stuy, complete with a handkerchief in his pocket, gold cuff links and a feather in his hat. Anyone that meticulously dressed must be gentrified, right?

A: No. The gentry class believes in understated fashions.

Q: That really butch, tough-talking lesbian who swills all that beer. She's way too gruff to be gentrified, right?

A: Actually not. Most (not all) gays and lesbians fall into the category of gentry.

So, are you beginning to see a pattern? No? Stay tuned. You will. If you have any additional questions about people you have seen or even people that you know, please feel free to ask in the comments section.

*As a rule, people with strong accents usually fall into the non-gentry category, with the exception of European and Midwestern accents. Southern accents can sound quaint and charming as well.