Pass the Zoloft

For some reason, whenever I hear of any place being described as one of the "fastest growing" anything, it depresses the hell out of me. Take the suburbs outside of Las Vegas for example. All that development really depresses me and not because they are destroying all that crappy desert, but for reasons I can't even articulate. All I can say is that there isn't enough fucking Zoloft in the universe to get me to move to the 33rd fastest growing metropolitan area in the nation. These communities are filled with hideous newly constructed homes where middle class people can enjoy their faux pro stainless steel appliances and neutral carpeting and ceramic tile only 45 minutes from the "strip" in a Pathfinder.

I even saw a place with a name like Shitwater, Arkansas on an infomercial trying to get people to invest. Shitwater, Arkansas is, you guessed it, the 208th fastest growing resort area in the the deep South. It's just beautiful there with golf, tennis, boating and happy retirees that can't afford Boca. In fact, it's the perfect setting for a minimum security prison.

Other areas that depress me include the suburbs of Atlanta - a perfect example of sprawl, the areas just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina (lots of vinyl siding, LOTS of vinyl siding) and especially The Villages (central Florida's premier active adult community). The Villages even has its own advertising campaign on national television. The commercials portray very active adults living a life of leisure and usually air on Sundays during golf tournaments. (I watch a lot of golf so I know more about The Villages than I want to.) I would rather live on any Martin Luther King Boulevard in the country than any of the aforementioned places.

Not that I am in any position to judge as I have never visited these places and have no reason to. The point is, if a town or area needs to advertise on TV, it's going to be downright awful. (There are no infomercials about the East Village and DUMBO.) I am sure that the people that inhabit these places are perfectly content on the surface, but don't they deserve more than an 1,8o0 square foot modular home on a 100x100 lot with no trees in sight?

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