My name is Paul and I have a problem. I drink too much. Too much Gerolsteiner mineral water that is.
I got hooked on mineral water (com gas por favor) in Portugal and haven't looked back since. After sampling a few different brands, I have settled on Gerolsteiner. It has just the right balance of crispness and effervescence. The mineral content is high, but the finish is clean. I can't think of a more perfect beverage. Perrier and San Pellegrino are just status symbols. True water connoisseurs prefer Gerolsteiner. Again, leave it to the Germans.
But this stuff should come with a warning to "enjoy responsibly." Because I am clearly not consuming responsibly. (The picture above shows what I have drank this week alone. I still have three more bottles waiting to be guzzled sitting atop my refrigerator. (I prefer it at room temperature or slightly below.)
How much is too much? At $1.69-1.99 per bottle, the stuff isn't exactly cheap. Vintage Seltzer sells for 55-60 cents for the same amount of fluid ounces. Let's say I drink 1o bottles of Gerolsteiner per week at $1.69 each - that's $16.90 per week and $878.80 per year! It's safe to say that I would be paying more for water than the average American homeowner pays in property taxes annually. Assuming I live another 60 years, I will spend (not accounting for inflation) $52,728 on water if this continues.
I suppose it would be worse if I were sipping gin at a similar rate or smoking the equivalent amount of crack, but at least there are groups for those people and 12 step programs. I don't know of any for mineral water junkies. The thing is - I don't want to stop. I enjoy drinking the finest quality water in the world and I'm not about to stop. The cashiers at Fairway do look at me suspiciously when I purchase $30 worth of water on a shopping trip, but I don't care. Let them drink that Dasani shit.*
I used to love Poland Spring, but I have graduated to bigger and better things. At least it doesn't come in portable bottles because that limits my consumption to the home. If it were readily available on the go, that $52,000+ figure could easily turn into $100,000.
*I'd rather drink from the Gowanus Canal.
1 comment:
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