Jesus H. Christ

It must have been awful to be a neighbor of the Virgin Mary. She must have been bragging about her son incessantly. They must have run away at the sight of her and not believed a word of what she said.

"What is your son doing now? Well my son just turned water into wine!"

"Did you hear about what my son just did? He multiplied loaves and fish! He fed thousands!"

"My son was born without me even having to have sex with Joseph!"

"Your son may be a doctor, but does he have disciples? Didn't think so."

"My son is the son of God for crying out loud! Your husband doesn't even work!"

"Look at how long and lustrous my son's hair is now! Your son looks like a terrorist and mine looks so...Western European!"

"I never trusted that Ponchas Pilate as a kid. He was always so vindictive. Now he's just jealous that my son can walk on water and he can't! I should call his mother and tell her that her son is crucifying my poor son."

"Did you hear what my son just did? He died for our fucking sins and then rose from the dead! And your daughter wouldn't date him! Now it's too late."

I feel as though it must be similar for the neighbors of my mother. She must be constantly talking about me.

"My son is so wonderful. He has a blog about gentrification!"

"My son is now working in the publishing industry and he's almost completely financially independent, but I help him out with his electricity bill in the summer."

"My son is so clever - he figured out a way to mix recycles with regular garbage and get away with it!"

"My son has accumulated more parking tickets over the years than your son could ever dream of!"

"My poor son got arrested and they didn't even let him bring his books and his cell phone with him! I'm gonna call that police station and complain."

So, I guess I'm pretty special and similar to Jesus in many ways.