- I do not want my friends gathering around a camp fire or some shit like that to mourn over my death and tell amusing anecdotes about me. "Remember the time he passed out after homecoming senior year after drinking a case of Heineken while singing Piano Man? Ha ha." No. That is not acceptable.
- I do not want people to carry on with their daily activities because "that's what he would have wanted." In fact, that's not what I want. I expect solemn mourning.
- I do not want anyone putting anything in the casket like a cigarette or a bottle of my favorite beer or a golf club. Just leave it alone. This is no time to be cutesy.
- I do not want a eulogy that evokes laughter. Just because I was considered to be a humorous individual, that doesn't open up the forum for anyone to make jokes.
- I do not want anyone going out for drinks and telling stories about me after the funeral. Just don't do it. Go home and sit quietly. Again, it's not what I would have wanted.
- I do not want anyone showing up to the wake and funeral in khaki pants. This is not a fucking 8th grade band concert or a bar mitzvah. Wear a suit or don't come at all.
- I do not want people to try to make shit up about me that isn't true. "Oh he was just a great guy and always so kind to the homeless and the pigeons." I was not. In fact, I was sort of a prick. Be honest.
- I do not want a charity in my name for Hodgkins lymphoma research. Save your money and buy something nice for yourself that you could use.
- I do not want anyone to play any of my favorite music at the wake or funeral. Ave Maria is just fine thank you.
I realize that I probably will not meet my demise due to my illness, but just in case anything happens, please refer to this blog for instructions. This goes for if I die for any other reasons. These rules still apply in 60 years.
3 comments:
dude. i read your blog every week in my computer concepts class. i am a writer also, but i don't blog nearly as much as you do. whatever. i like your blog. the class i am in is for Court Reporting school and covers subjects like what is a cpu, what is a keyboard, how do you make the window smaller.... Real riveting shit. I received a degree about 15 years ago in English Literature and couldn't test out of this bullshit.
Anyway, I get the feeling you don't want people to feel sorry for you about the disease you have. So I won't. But I will say this, please keep writing. Despite the fact that I normally make fun of and threaten people who gentrify crap neighborhoods, I like your writing. So keep writing, keep your chin up.
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