Make-A-Wish

Now that I officially have a terminal illness, does that mean I am entitled to participate in the Make-A-Wish Foundation? Am I too old for this? Why can't I have a wish granted? In the unlikely event that I can make a wish, here is a list of things I would like to do.

• I wish to live in the projects for a week.
• I wish to dress in authentic Colonial-era garb.
• I wish to live the lifestyle of a full blown crackhead for a few days.
• I wish to meet Gail, Oprah's sidekick.
• I wish to ensconce myself in pre-war detail.
• I wish to sit in on the Howard Stern show.
• I wish to walk around and tell people exactly what I think of them.
• I wish to throw rocks at people that don't use turn signals.
• I wish to park in front of fire hydrants without consequence.
• I wish to have an unlimited supply of Camel Lights and Gerolsteiner mineral water.
• I wish to perform community service wearing a tie dyed Crosby, Stills and Nash t-shirt and a Titleist hat.*
• I wish to travel to Kalaallit Nunaat.
• I wish to eat beluga caviar out of a giant container with a big spoon.
• I wish to participate in Islamic fundamentalism.
• I wish to learn how to shuck oysters and clams.
• I wish to join the Bloods or Crips (whichever accepts me first).
• I wish to get into a knife fight in prison.
• I wish to speak in tongues.

With all the money that the Make-A-Wish Foundation has, I'm sure they can accommodate a young G's wishes for a little while...

*Oops, I already did that.