The Winter of My Discontent

Not to sound like a whining pussy, but I must really say that I am not enjoying my winter. Oh sure, I've had some fun in Florida and when my girlfriend came to visit this past weekend where we had some delicious gourmet dinners, went to the Brooklyn Museum and took in an African-American comedy show in the Lower East Side,* but every other week I have to deal with that pesky chemotherapy.

The chemo itself isn't that bad. I sit in a comfortable recliner with a book and my iPod for four hours and get attended to by semi-attractive nurses. It's the after effects that bother me. I spend three to four days every other week feeling like shit with nausea, dizziness, fatigue and overall malaise. I'm also very forgetful; Where's my phone? Where are my keys? Where did I park my car?

And WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY GIVING ME POISON FOR A DISEASE THAT DIDN'T CAUSE ME ANY SYMPTOMS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

The whole scene in the cancer treatment center is depressing, but not as depressing as some places such as the DMV, shoddy new construction condos in "up and coming" neighborhoods with visible Fedders air conditioning units or rest stops outside of Carbondale, PA, but depressing nonetheless. Many of the people there are really at death's door while I am not. I still have a future ahead of me which may or may not involve a Wolf range, a Sub Zero fridge, soapstone countertops, Brooks Brothers sport jackets and an Audi A-6, but at least an 80% chance that I'm going to beat this little cancer that I have.

The thing that bothers me most about having Hodgkin's lymphoma is that everyone's response is, "Oh that's a good cancer to have." Well thanks a fucking lot for your support. I do not wish this on you, but once you've gone through four CT scan, two PET scans, a biopsy procedure that removes lymph glands from your neck, a bone marrow biopsy where they stick a big thick fucking needle in your lower back that causes a feeling that cannot be described in words, another operation to install a power port so chemo is more easily administered (and that motherfucking port is uncomfortable and I live with it everyday) into my chest and then horrendous chemotherapy sessions which I have described above. After that, more scans and the removal of my port from my chest which involves another surgical procedure. Oh did you ask about blood work? No? Well there's blood work and a fuck load of it and yes, it's uncomfortable.

Eight sessions of chemo and if that's not enough, the fun begins again when I get to go to radiation for 30 days STRAIGHT. Radiation is no picnic either between the rashes, the inability to swallow, the sore throats, the nausea, fatigue and many other unfavorable symptoms.

Oh yeah and my hair is starting to fall out now.

Yep, Hodgkin's is no big deal. "Oh it's just Hodgkin's; you'll get through it." "Oh that's the BEST kind of cancer to have; very treatable." Thank/ fuck you. God forbid it should happen to you and if it does I'll tell you that it's nothing worse than getting a cold.

I think I'll go throw up now. Enjoy your cancer-free day everyone.


*Where one of the comments included us in a bit by recognizing that we both had glasses and asking us if we met at Pearl Vision. Funny.