The Food Network - Parental Discretion Advised

Have you seen the chicks on the Food Network lately? Is this a channel devoted to cuisine or tits? Each of these chicks has bigger tits than the next.

First of all, we have Giada DeLaurentis. She makes easily prepared Italian meals and I even use some of her recipes, but it's a little hard to concentrate with her DDs hanging out over her low cut blouses. Can't she just wear a fucking turtleneck sweater or something? I wonder if she got a boob job because for her body type, it ain't natural. Or perhaps all that pasta she makes goes straight to her jugs, which would be a dream come true for every woman.

Then there's that British chick Nigella. Boy does she have a set of cans. I don't even know what the hell she cooks and I'm not sure that I care. Maybe she specializes in authentic British cuisine like blood pudding and sheep's intestines. It just doesn't matter - between her accent and her knockers, who's paying attention.

The next person I am going to discuss is particularly controversial. Sandra Lee. She's the frosted blond MILF with the huge, potentially sagging tatas that makes really disgusting, expensive and fattening recipes out of mostly store bought packaged items. She also is obsessed with something called "tablescapes," which is a term she coined for her themed table decorations. Basically, people watch the show and possibly masturbate while she opens up packages and cans and puts together an inedible concoction that would make most real chefs want to slit their wrists with their Henckel pairing knife.*

Apparently she was married to some billionaire who most likely got her this gig to get her out of the house. If she didn't have that rack, she'd be waiting tables at a Denny's outside of Wichita. I hope she has a sweet alimony deal because she will be worthless when her looks are gone, which should be in about five years.

Then we have Rachael Ray. Love her or hate her, the girl simply has no tits. This is unfortunate because her personality is nothing short of obnoxious and her recipes are nothing but common sense. Come on sweetie, we all know how to make a fucking hamburger. And that $40 a Day show where she visits renowned travel destinations and eats breakfast, lunch and dinner at great non-touristy mom 'n pop restaurants that the "locals swear by" for $40 or less in the day, which is a great concept but CANNOT be done unless you are a teetotaler and tip 8.34% on every bill.

There's another hot chick on the Food Network that I just noticed today named Ellie who promotes healthy eating. She's also a nice piece of ass too and I'm sure at least a C cup.

I'd love to see them all wrestle in the nude together in EVOO. The ratings would go through the roof. Perhaps even a "Babes of the Food Network" calendar or something. Giada could hold a pair of tongs between her mounds for January, Sandra Lee could sprawl over one of her tablescapes in February and...you get the gist.


*Mario Batali must hate this chick but secretly want to fuck her.