Hell's Kitchen

One of the most inappropriate business ideas I can think of besides trafficking young women from Southeast Asia and forcing them to work in seedy massage parlors for little to no pay (which has been done to death already) is to open up a restaurant that only serves species that are classified as endangered or generally unacceptable to eat. Below is an example of what my prix fixe dinner menu would look like. I think the price would be somewhere in the $25,000-30,000 range per person not including wine. (Overhead is going to be just a bit high for this type of establishment.)

APPETIZERS

Baby Seal Ceviche
chilled with fresh tomato, coriander and cilantro

Dolphin Tartare
served with crostini on an edible Monarch Butterfly

Florida Manatee
seared rare with a sweet roasted onion puree

Arctic Peregrine Falcon Wings
smoked and sauteed with a savoury hickory sauce

Sea Turtle Soup
with porcini mushrooms and shaved brussel sprouts

Horned Puffin Salad
on a bed of radicchio, endive and arugula with aged balsamic vinegar

Smoked Orca Whale
house smoked with horseradish crust, tender red beets and locally grown organic herbs

ENTREES

Roasted Loin of Red Panda*
in a green peppercorn sauce served with broccoli rabe and pine nuts

Braised Bald Eagle
in a red wine demi glaze served with roasted rosemary infused new potatoes

Prime Aged Wild Mongolian Horse Steak
16 oz charcoal grilled with fresh asparagus and roasted turnips

Poached Humpback Whale
with marinated artichoke hearts and a Meyer lemon sauce

Filet of Polar Bear
pan seared and served "Antarctic Style"

Force Fed Hudson Valley Foie Gras
with fig jam and brioche melba toast

Spotted Owl Risotto
in a creamy chanterelle mushroom sauce with shaved Parmigiano Reggiano

Cioppino
fresh orca whale, stingray, pink river dolphin, shrimp, scallops and clams in a hearty tomato broth served with rustic bread

DESSERTS

Coming Soon

So, if anyone wants to be my business partner and/or benefactor for this venture, let me know. I think Smith Street in Carroll Gardens would be a fantastic location or perhaps DeKalb Avenue in Fort Greene. Manhattan commercial rents are too high and ultra-PC Park Slope would never go for such a thing.** If it takes off, I might even consider doing Sunday brunch too. I also will need a good sommelier - one that knows which wines would pair well with endangered species.



*I am fully aware that I am going straight to hell in a hand basket or a bucket or maybe even a wheelbarrow.
**Park Slope doesn't even have a pork store that I'm aware of.