You might be a gentrifier...

In the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." skits, I have compiled my own list for gentrifiers.

You might be a gentrifier if...

• You spend a lot of time at the the food co-op.
• You feel as if your child is highly gifted even if she's average or just plain dumb.
• You feel that NPR is a pillar of objective journalism.
• Your parents helped you with your down payment for your brownstone in Park Slope.
• You lived in Williamsburg at some point after college.
• You recycle.
• You are vehemently against anything corporate but still go to Starbucks if it's convenient.
• You carry around a New York Times and quote articles verbatim.
• You call yourself an artist.
• You spend more money at the farmer's market on Sunday than your cleaning lady makes in a week.
• You refuse to eat at McDonald's or any other fast food establishment.
• You spend your weekends visiting art galleries.
• You have a car, but only because you "need it for the kids" or to "transport your art around in."
• Said car is a Prius, a Volvo, a Saab, a VW or a Mini.
• You have claimed to be "bohemian" at one point in your life.
• You wish you could pursue a career that is creative.
• You respect the hell out of minorities but get irritated when they make a lot of noise past 9 p.m.
• You attended a small liberal arts college.
• You've been to that new wine bar down the street and you liked it, but wish they had a better selection of Syrah.
• You feel as though the lottery is a regressive tax on the poor.
• You donate to various charities as long as they are secular.
• You love the fact that the neighborhood you currently live in used to be a haven for drugs and prostitution.
• You found your apartment on Craigslist.
• You go abroad at least once a year.
• You have at least a few homosexual friends.
• You listen to indie rock.
• Your girlfriend has tattoos that she covers up when she visits your parents in Connecticut.
• You take your dog to the local bar, which is dog-friendly.
• You eat out at the trendiest restaurants and find flaws with all of them.
• You dedicate at least 45 minutes a day to reading blogs.
• You like to tell people that you don't own a television.
• You know a lot about the situation in Darfur because of what you read in the Times last week.
• You breastfeed in public and encourage others to do so too.
• You spend rainy Sunday afternoons reading at the Tea Lounge.
• Your friend is in a band that plays in Williamsburg.
• You named your baby Miles.
• You purchase soy milk.
• You've been to a loft party in Bushwick - you took the L there but a car service home.
• You got rid of all your CDs when you got an iPod.
• You spent the night in jail for something silly and then blogged about it.*

More to come later I'm sure.

*I did this, along with a lot of other things mentioned above because, well, I'm a gentrifier.